Imagine your dream job. It’s something you’ve wanted to be since you were a child. You know you will love doing this job, you will be great at it and it will be such a fulfilling job to do. Now of course this is your imagination and you wouldn’t want to escape into your imagination and take problems with you would you? What would be the point of that? No you only want to see the perfection of life while you are there so in your imagination your dream job is an absolute joy at all times.
Unfortunately this means you may be ignoring the long hours associated with your dream job, the lack of support, the constant pressures and demands, the fact that you have to learn how to do your dream job as you go along, the doubts that you are not doing your dream job right, the constant scrutiny by your peers. No, if you had thought about all the challenges that your dream job would bring, you may never have gone ahead. Or would you? Have you guessed yet what dream job I am talking about? Yes, I am talking about being a Parent.
Can you remember how excited you were when you knew your were expecting your first child? And then when your bundle of joy arrived how quickly did the reality hit? Now I am not saying that being a parent is not a fulfilling and rewarding job. Far from it, it’s both of those things and more, but it is also one of the hardest things you will ever do. However I do believe you can make life a little easier on yourself if you choose to embrace one or all of the following ideas ;-
There Are No Perfect Parents. You can be a good parent but you will never be a perfect parent because the perfect parent doesn’t exist. Every parent is doing the best they can at any given time. Each parent is unique and every child is unique so, whilst there are many ground rules that definitely will help all parents, as a parent you have to deduce, out of all the information available to you, what works best for you and your child.
Accept That The Rules Change. This is the most frustrating thing about being a parent. The rules change, they have to. The way you parent a four month old is different to the way you parent a four year old and different again to the way you parent a 14 year old. Now that can makes life very challenging if you feel you are struggling to adapt but I would like to suggest you give yourself a break and understand that your parenting skills will change and develop as your child grows.
You Parenting Tool Kit. Imagine you were given a parenting tool kit when your child was born. In that tool kit are all the things you needed to know to take care of your new born. I think you would agree that your tool kit would have been a godsend to start off with but it wouldn’t be long before some of those tools and techniques became redundant. Your baby is growing, life changes as they are weaned onto solid foods, become potty trained, learn to walk and talk etc. The one thing about being a parent that you can be sure of is that the tools you need to do the job are constantly changing. This means that on a regular basis you can disregard tools that you no longer need or that no longer work for you and bring in new tools that will help you parent your child at that stage of their development.
Problem Solving. When you are having a problem with your child, and what you are doing to solve the problem is not working, take a step back for a moment and remember ;-
(i) You are not a bad parent,
(ii) You do not have a bad child,
(iii) You simply have not yet found the right tool or technique to help solve your child’s need or underlying fear.
(iv) If you believe there is a solution one will find its way to you
(v) Find the right tools and you can restore calm into your home.
Don’t feel disillusioned when you are stuck, try to embrace the idea that a new gem of parenting knowledge is on its way to you. When you know you can solve the problem, even if you don’t know how, the how will magically find it’s way to you if you are open to receiving it.
And of course I am always here to help you. If you would like to find out more about how I can be of service to you then your first step is to connect with me using the Contact Me link above this blog or email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org