This morning it happened. I heard those challenging words for the first time. “What do you do all day when the kids are at school? “Arghhhhhh!!!! Evidently I have 6 whole hours every school day to “get something done” Ladies what do you do? Get angry and shout? Get emotional and cry? Become lost for words and storm out?
In my case it has only been 7 weeks since I moved myself, my 2 dogs and cat, all my worldly goods, oh and my business, to Gloucestershire to live with my ex husband and his 2 gorgeous children, who are actually only with us every other week.
In that time I have taken on a parenting role which I love but which was a bit of a shock to the system to start off with. A more accurate description may be exhausting. Does that sound familiar? I have unpacked all the boxes in the house, still more hidden away in the garage! Please don’t mention that to my good friend Lesley Beattie who is a Decluttering Expert. We have had a family holiday to Yorkshire in the Airstream caravan and my Godmother died so I made a 2 day trip to Cheshire for the funeral. Despite all this I was challenged this morning about what I do with my time.
I felt frustrated, unappreciated and undervalued and as angry isn’t my default mode I resorted to poor little girl mode and I cried. Not the response I wanted to give but in that moment the tears just flowed.
I knew that to keep blaming my partner for the question kept me in the role of victim and I didn’t want to be in that place. So ladies what can we do at those moments? I decided to take the dogs for a walk and think about the situation from a different perspective. As I walked in the rain I thought about all the things I love about my new situation. Here are a few of my thoughts
- I love being a part of a family
- I love taking on a mothering role when the children are with us
- I love where I am now living
In fact over all I love my new life. I then thought about how I love to feel. Of course I love to feel loving and loved. I love to feel calm and safe but also …..
- I love to feel strong
- I love to feel valuable in the world
I realised that the question hit a nerve for me. There is a small but very loud voice in my head constantly asking me what I am doing with my time. It is that voice that makes us feel guilty if we dare to sit down for a minute, that voice that tells us we have no time for illness or relaxation. And interestingly if we don’t take some time to relax and charge our batteries we soon find ourselves struggling with illnesses. I realised that while this was the first time Alf had asked me the question, I had been asking it to myself for the last 7 weeks!
Feeling calmer I came to three conclusions
- I can do something about that voice in my head. When I hear it I will acknowledge the question then I will sing Bon Jovi’s ‘Have a Nice Day’ That should do it.
- My work is important to me so I will stop thinking everything else takes priority. I will remind myself that feeling guilty or not is a simple choice
- I have a life pattern of making people need me and then feeling undervalued. This is a reminder that I have to value me and then I won’t need authentication from anyone else
Wow, one tough question and one heated discussion led to 3 great steps for making my life better. Already I feel better. I will let you know how I get on with these steps next week.
I would love to hear if there are any other questions that touch a nerve for you Mums. Please do share your thoughts below.
As always if there is a family situation that is making you feel stressed and undervalued at the moment and you want some support and guidance
please do contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org or phone 07818 418 818