When I was a young girl I can remember getting into a fight with another girl at my school. I know those of you who know me may be quite shocked but in my defence I must tell you I am the daughter of a redhead! Back to my story. I remember vividly how this girl held my head in a head lock with my face against her stomach. I was so furious I took the only option open to me at that moment….I bit her! She screamed and let go of me which was the intended outcome but the scream also brought a teacher over. I didn’t have a mark on me from the headlock but the other girl had marks from my bite. Guess who got into trouble? Big trouble!! From that early incident I learned to bury my anger so it wouldn’t get me into trouble even, as in this case, when it was not my fault!!!
For most of my life I have prided myself that I am not an angry person. I do not do anger. Or at least that is what I thought.
This year the universe seemed to be bringing to my attention that I was still carrying some anger. A conversation about money stories with a business colleague led me to recall what my life was like as a teenager living with my Step Mother. At that point my spends were constantly withdrawn because of my ‘behaviour’, permission to sit and watch television with the rest of the family was withheld for the same reason and my sister and I were given very limited food and were expected to cook it ourselves. As I remembered I could feel the anger bubbling up inside me. This women who had promised to take care of me withheld love, food and money and made my life a misery and I had every right to feel angry with her.
More recently a conversation with my ex husband made me realise I was still feeling anger towards his second wife for targeting him and not caring that he was married to me. At the time of my divorce I worked very hard to take the higher ground, to not blame her and to accept that my marriage was not in a good place if my husband had fallen in love with someone else. I saw this lady as a catalyst and nothing more. Now that theory may well be true but some of the things she did at that time were heartless and cruel and I had a right to feel angry. Again the anger bubbled up inside me.
In todays world we all seem to be chasing happiness and by default we have made other emotions such as anger into ‘negative emotions’. We have made it bad to feel or demonstrate our anger. But there really is no such thing as a Bad Emotion. I am not suggesting for one minute that it is ok to vent our anger on someone else but it is ok to feel it. In fact it is really important for our own good health to feel it. Getting angry is a part of life. Parents, when you are confronted with an angry child you will be teaching them an invaluable life lesson if you help them to feel and release that anger without inflicting it on anyone else, without making anger a ‘bad’ emotion and without feeling angry or frustrated or embarrassed yourself because your child is angry. For me as an adult I was able to write a letter first to my Step Mum and then to my ex husbands second wife. I wrote down all the things I wanted to say to them including one or two words I would never normally use. I vented to the fullest. Then I rolled the letter up, put it in the wood burner and set it alight. The next morning I felt lighter and happier. This technique works very well for teenagers and some pre teen children but for younger children you need to help them physically release that anger
There are far too many ways of dealing with anger to share with you in one blog but if you are interested in knowing more please sign up for my Harmony in Your Home Guide, and you will also receive my newsletter every 2 weeks where I can share with you some simple tips and tools that will help your life as a Parent become more joyful and less stressful.