January is a busy time for Family Solicitors
Earlier this week I met a Family Solicitor at a Networking meeting. She said this is her busiest time of year and whilst that is definitely good for her I felt sad for all the families who are now caught up in the emotional roller coaster that results when the Parents relationship breaks down
They say Divorce is the second most stressful life event after the death of a loved one but I have to disagree. When a loved one dies they did not choose to leave you or you have to choose to leave them, you do not have to go through all your belongings and split them up and often, although not always, the financial implications are not the same. So I personally believe divorce is more stressful and when children are involved it becomes even more so
Should I stay for the children?
How many Parents ask themselves this difficult question at some point? There is a perception that if both Parents are living at home then the children are happier. The truth is that whether you stay together or choose to split up it is the way you treat your partner and the relationship you have with them that will most effect your children. No child wants their Parents to split up but children are intuitive and with the best will in the world no matter how much you try to hide your animosity towards your partner or ‘argue’ when the children are in bed your children will know that something is wrong. They might not know exactly what is wrong but they will sense the bad energy or atmosphere between you and your Partner.
So what is best for your child?
In truth only you can make that decision but your personal happiness does have a direct affect on your children so thinking about what is best for you is not a selfish thought. Your children need to feel safe and loved by both Parents, they need to know that they are not the cause of the breakdown in your relationship and they need to know that they do not have to take sides. Whether you decide to stay in the relationship or break up please remember your children only have one Mum and one Dad and they do not want to hear one Parent criticising the other. The cruellist thing a Parent can do is to use their children against the other Parent so if you love your children you will find a way to communicate with your Partner.
Should I take advice from a friend?
In my experience talking to a friend to try and decide what is best for you and your children is not very productive. Your friends want to be loyal to you and with the best intentions they will either tell you what they think you want to hear or they will let their advise be influenced by something that has happened to them. Talking to someone like myself who is not emotionally involved and who can help you find clarity can be far more helpful.